Depression and dating: 5 fixes for less stress in your relationship
"Vincent Willem van Gogh 002" by Vincent van Gogh - The Yorck Project: 10.000 Meisterwerke der Malerei. DVD-ROM, 2002. ISBN 3936122202. Distributed by DIRECTMEDIA Publishing GmbH.. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Vincent_Willem_van_Gogh_002.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Vincent_Willem_van_Gogh_002.jpg
When you’re dating someone with depression, it’s almost like you’re dating two people. With all the severe ups and downs resulting in strange, inexplicable behavior from your partner, it’s bound to cause some friction.
After a recent heart-to-heart with my boy, I was reminded that even when things are crazy, there’s usually a relatively easy fix for the problem.
1. Take your fucking medication/make sure they take their fucking medication:
I know this seems like a no-brainer, but as a two-pill-a-day depression sufferer, it can be really hard to remember. Part of what makes depression so difficult is the way it zaps your motivation to take care of yourself. For me, that means I probably won’t eat, shower, brush my teeth, go to the bathroom and/or take my pills. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a reminder – even if it’s a reminder from a phone.
2. Check in with your partner/self:
Sometimes people with depression deal with the fog and numbness by zoning out. This can lead to them going through life on autopilot, which can cause some id-centric behavior. Making a point to regularly ask them/yourself how they/you feel is an easy way to bring them/you back into the moment.
3. Remind them to/remember to relax and energize:
Depression, like most brain disorders, lives only partly in your brain. There are many physical symptoms of depression like excessive fatigue, muscle soreness, general bitchiness/douchery, headaches and problems only Pepto can solve. A lot of times, these problems are a result of the anxiety. Doing some yoga, fucking each other silly, lying in a quiet room, dancing like Beyoncé at the 2013 Super Bowl and getting some exercise are great ways to get the gunk out of your/their mental gears.
4. Get all up on those lumps and humps:
Next to laughter, there’s probably nothing better for depression than some real, intentional and loving physical contact. Sex would work, but just cuddling is enough to release brain-bliss chemicals that make us feel all gooey. If it’s a nice day outside, getting cuddled up in the grass might be just the thing to fight the funk.
5. Lend/accept a helping hand:
When it’s hard to remember to wash your ass, it’s unlikely cleaning one’s space is going to seem too important. I’m messy in general, but when I’ve got the sad, I won’t do anything more strenuous than endlessly scrolling Tumblr. As things become increasingly messy, I start to scold myself about how shitty I must be to keep letting my apartment get that way. Sometimes, it’s nice to just have someone take care of that so I can take care of myself the best I can.
