How to enjoy a one-night stand or random hook up

A one night stand is (or should be) a simple agreement to use each other’s bodies for pleasure. This once handy tool for sexual gratification and exploration is often soiled by insecurities and performance anxiety. If your one night stands aren’t what they used to be, these guidelines will help get them back on track.

Accept the awkward

Don't distract yourself with the Hollywood images of what your sexual identity should be. Women, you don’t have to be the super sexy vixen. Men, you don’t have to accept the persona of the all-knowing sex god. Getting intimate for the first time is awkward. It doesn’t matter if it is with someone you are dating or someone you’ve just met. Just let yourself experience the moment.

Speak up

No one has the ability to read minds. You have to tell the other person what you like, what you don’t and what you want to try. It is your experience and you should not be embarrassed or ashamed to voice your desire.

If you are worried about coming off as rude or demanding, remember there are several ways to introduce your wishes: a whisper in your lover’s ear, a playful suggestion or using your hands to alter the motion. Both parties should want to please the other, suggestions should be welcomed. Make sure to also talk to your partner before you actually have sex.  

If you don't like it, change it

If your partner is enjoying the event, but it is not working for you, you have every right to alter it. If your partner is not satisfying your needs, only you can fix the situation. Change the position or motive or location to something that works for you. Some things take compromise to make them mutually beneficial, but it will be worth the effort.

Use protection

If you want to use condoms, barriers or birth control, it’s imperative to use them. Even if you don’t, it might be a good idea for the random hookup. Why? Because the fear of STIs & pregnancy is real and you don't want that to linger over the event. If you don’t play with the risks you’re comfortable with, the days following the one night stand will also be filled with worry. The stress of worrying about what you may have exposed yourself to can destroy all the fun of the one night stand.

Get over it

 If sex is what you want, do not burden yourself with silly social constructs. Do not worry about him respecting you in the morning or if the sex you had makes you a whore. Get the sex you want and throw middle fingers at those who try to make you feel bad. If you don’t want to see the person after, screw outside your social circle. For everything else, it’s all social pressure that you don’t need to deal with it.  

Ask questions

Although you have spoken up, it does not mean the other person will. Ask your partner what they would like to try or do next. It’s not a lot of work but it shows concern and consideration and might set you up for a regular fuck buddy, if you want. Even if you want the person to disappear after, at least you gave them a good time.

Do not give up prematurely

Too often one or more of the guidelines mentioned above will interrupt your sexy time. It can be awkward and cause one or both of the parties will stop actively participating, which essentially ends the night. Try to fight through your desire to slink away and open yourself up to new experiences. But, if you decide that you do not want to continue then stop the activities.

A one night stand can be fun and sexy or awkward and uncomfortable. It’s all a matter of how you handle it.