Non-monogamy: Finding your unicorn online

One of the biggest obstacles to taking full advantage of an open relationship is actually finding someone who’s cool with your arrangement. To help you find your unicorn, sex and dating sites will help, but only if you use them effectively.  If you’re like most newbies, you’re probably making one of these three big mistakes.

Target your search

Often when people are looking for a secondary partner, they go about it by looking on normal dating sites. This approach can work on a progressive dating site but most other sites are going to be too monogamous dating/relationship oriented to be useful.  

Expanding your search to dating sites for sex will weed out many people who are looking to head down the aisle or are only looking for monogamy. Also, a person on a hook-up site is more likely to be looking for fewer strings in their sex. If you’re already connected to someone else, you’re a much safer option than someone without any other attachments.

Choosing when to disclose

Whenever you’ve got something unusual going on with you, it’s stressful to figure out when and how to lay that out for a potential partner.  When you’re looking for a secondary partner, it’s actually pretty easy to figure out.

If you’re one person just looking to fuck around, the topic of relationships will hardly ever come up. Most of the time, you can slip in and out of a hook-up while knowing almost nothing about the other person. In this situation, you only need to disclose your relationship status if asked.

If you’re looking for a long-term partner or recurring third, then you’re going to want to let that be known from the very beginning. Since most people default to monogamy, it’s your responsibility to bring up the fact that you aren’t. While I would suggest throwing it out from the beginning, it’s perfectly fine to wait until the first actual date to discuss. It would also be smart to approach people as a couple that will prevent any confusion.

Giving up too early

There are plenty of ways to make your search for a secondary partner harder but the most common one is giving up too easily. You’re going to have a hard time finding someone who’s cool with your non-monogamous relationship and also shares your attraction. They’re called unicorns for a reason. The best way to guarantee you’ll never find anyone is to stop looking.