When I began writing LTASEX, almost 2 years ago, I decided that my long term goal would be to rehab America’s relationship with sexuality. Ever since then, I have done my best to push forward toward that goal.

Recently, I began to feel like the work I had been doing was missing focus and structure. So, I decided go back to the beginning and rework my approach.

In that period of reflection, I figured out one very important thing that I was missing. Once I realized that this piece was missing, it seemed almost absurd that I never noticed. I mean, have you ever heard of a successful push for social change that didn’t begin with a goal?

Sure, I say things like “rehabbing sexuality” and “redefining sexual education” but what the hell does that really mean? What's even more troubling is that, upon further inspection, I realized that I had never even defined what I think “healthy” sexuality is.

It’s time to remedy that.

So, today, I present to you wonderful readers of LTASEX.INFO and Let’s Talk About Sex in the pages of The Eastern Echo a simultaneous declaration. These are the commandments of health sexuality. Not exactly a definition but these are a great starting point to look within yourself and find the areas where you can improve your sexiness quotient.

“Why do straight guys always like watching women make out and have sex? If they're lesbians it’s not like they can be a part of it.”

This is a question I get all the time. But I had no idea how to answer it.

I’d asked a few guys but they usually couldn’t explain the attraction past, “it’s fuckin’ hot!” While I understand the sentiment, that doesn’t help explain the attraction.

Then, I was reading a post on Fleshbot.com about a video of two women kissing. Apparently, it is a follow up to a photo gallery they’d post previously. In the second paragraph, author Sailor Ripley  makes everything crystal clear. She writes:

Don’t you just love that image?! Ugh, it so hilarious! Lulz. I have never seen anything funnier or more sexist in my life! Yes sexist.

This image preys upon that ever popular idea that women are these immensely complex and insane creatures that are made to confuse the simple and sensible man. Or, as Phillip DeFranco likes to say, “bitches be crazy.”

As a sexual educator, I feel that it’s important to be overtly sex positive and inclusive. This is especially true when dealing with smaller or less socially acceptable groups or sexual activities. In my personal life, I still struggle to truly embody those feelings of connection, appreciation, and wholehearted acceptance that I try to put into the world.

For example, I often have a hard time seeing certain subtle aspects of beauty in women that I readily acknowledge in men. I also get a bit anxious when I see people engaged in anything harsher than light BDSM.

Although I try really hard, it’s impossible for me to be the go to sexpert for everyone. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t try to be the best that I can. This is why I actively seek to understand and learn more about the topics or behaviors that make me uncomfortable. Right now, I’m focusing on expanding my understanding transgendered people and issues, aka the T in LGBT.

Dating is a strange experience.

That’s the best way I can think to describe the experience of dating… strange.

The whole experience makes me feel all these new feelings. I say “new” but really they are just mediocre remakes and sequels to fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

I fear that I may never find someone.

I’m uncertain if I’m good enough.

I doubt that I’m doing anything right.

Every time some university or snotty feminist performs a sociological study on how pretty woman have it easier, the internet community shuffles into a flurry. The comments fly furiously on message boards: OMG how can men be so stupid. Sexist pigs, only caring about looks. Dudes are so dumb! It’s almost as if they live in some alternate reality where the pretty girls don’t get free drinks and better customer service.

I live in the real world where it matters what you look like. I’m never shocked, when the pretty girls get served first at the bar. I’m never shocked when the ugly girls stand outside the bar begging to get in. I’m not shocked or bothered, because it’s not a problem.