Things I've learned from topping my boyfriend's butt

My recent crash course in anal topping has been eventful, enjoyable and enlightening. It’s only been a few weeks since I got my dick working, so it’s not like I’m suddenly a wise, butt-banging power top, but from the very beginning there were two things instantly evident: Topping is really fucking difficult and tops don’t get nearly enough credit.

I’ve taken enough dick to know being an anal bottom is all about hygiene, practice, lube and endurance. It can be stressful, physically straining and make walking difficult but it’s mostly an intense joy ride. The more you do it, the easier it gets until, eventually, you’re an anal Jedi. Topping – in my experience – is an exhausting, hypnotic, soul-draining exercise in endurance and personal convictions.

From the moment I first inserted myself into my boy, I knew shit just got real. I swear my cock snapped into place like Microsoft Surface Type Cover. Once things got moving, it felt so good I almost went blind.

Being the anal bottom is intense, but it just doesn’t have the same kind of Dementor-like, soul-draining pleasure of topping. When that level of pleasure is felt by a bottom, they can just sort of collapse and let the top have at it. Tops don’t get that option. They have to endure rapture while expertly performing rhythmic choreography.

Until it was my turn in the saddle, I never realized how uncoordinated I was. I mean overall I know what I’m doing on a dance floor and my back, but those first couple of times I felt like and was a nervous, bumbling idiot. Eventually I got my shit together, but if you’re naturally uncoordinated my heart goes out to you.  

Also, I just want to make sure I throw out some good vibes to my tops with larger partners. My guy is what some would describe as a corn-fed boy: He’s tall, dense and a little chubby in some fun places. Some activities, like cuddling, wrestling and carrying my luggage, are made infinitely more fun by those features. Other activities – like topping his butt – are made a heck of a lot harder. So, I feel you.

Oh, and for those strapping on a cock for the first time – I can only hope you are better than I was with my bio-cock the first couple times. Godspeed.

Now there’s going to be some people out there – tops and bottoms alike – who are formulating sentences that start something like, “A real top/bottom should …” Well:

To those screaming a “good bottom can ride dick like a pro”: While that would be ideal and most can do it for a short time, it’s a very rare skill. Also, let’s be real – ain’t nobody got time to be messing up their knees for some dick. It’s not even that serious.

To those saying topping is easy, I’m very happy that you’re Wesley Pipes. Nice to meet you. We should get “coffee.” If you’ve never topped and say crap like this, you should put your dick – bio or strap – where their orifices are and prove it.

No matter what people tell you, being a top is a lot of work. Sure, being enveloped in the slippery warmth is worth all the effort, but a thank you would be nice. Tops are out here putting in work like a stripper with a mortgage, mid-terms and a baby at home. The least a thankful bottom could do is give your top a night of recuperative oral … or rough anal fucking on bottom.